Sunday, March 17, 2013

Life as a Lock Jawed Woman.

Last Sunday night I decided to be ultra prepared and get all my food ready for the next day at work. This included breakfast, lunch, and all snacks.  Now normally I'd have snacks to eat at work, but due to a little mouse problem that hadn't yet been resolved, we were asked to take all food home.

Monday morning I awoke to sunlight streaming through the windows  As daylight savings had occurred I instantly knew something was up as it should have been dark.  I jumped out of bed and saw that it was 8:11.  Did I mention that I'm supposed to be to work at 8?  I got ready in lightning speed and rushed out the door.  I was very pleased when I managed to clock in at 8:34, but upon settling I realized I had forgotten all my food. Already starving I knew it was going to a long wait until lunchtime.

I didn't have time to get food on my lunch break that day (ironic I know),  and ran to Subway when I had the chance that day around 2. The kind man at the counter asked if I'd like any sauce on it.  Thinking a little ranch would taste good, I asked him to put a tiny bit on.  He shook the bottle, squeezed it, and SPLAT a huge mound of ranch is now on the sandwich.  Before I could stop him he shakes his head, squeezes again, and sent another huge mound of ranch onto my sandwich. Not having much time, I just paid for the sandwich and left.

When I arrived back at work, I went to take the first bite and found, to my dismay, that I couldn't fit my mouth over my sandwich.  Now might be the time to mention that my jaw hadn't been able to open for about 3 weeks, due to a joint issue.  Being completely famished, I just started to basically shove the sandwich in my mouth without caring if I got it all over my face.  Had any one seen me and commented I probably would have gone all Chris Farley on them.

But for real, I would have.  The sandwich was quite gross due to the obscene amount of ranch on it, but at least I was no longer close to blacking out.  And on the bright side of things my jaw finally opened again yesterday!  I've been shoving large bites of food in to my heart's content.  You just don't appreciate the simple things like opening your mouth until you are unable to do so.


  1. I just realized you posted! Huzzah. I love the Farley clip and thank goodness your jaw finally opened up.

  2. LOL! What a story- you poor thing, i never did realize how amazing it is that I can open my mouth all the way. The irony of your story just makes me laugh. It seems to happen quite often in your life. haha but in a good way to make good stories :)

  3. HAha that photo cracks me up because I can totally picture you doing that to anyone who might question or give you a quizzical brow. I'm glad it finally opened though, so weird it does that. thanks for the good laugh

  4. Ahh daylight savings how we do hate thee when its spring forward but love thee when thou falls back. It always messes things up. I love that photo. Looks just like you. j/k of course in fact I've been thinking you should have been a model. You missed your calling in life but maybe that's good since you wouldn't be humble. So glad your jaw finally unlocked. Holy cow. that wouldn't be fun.

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